Dating before marriage is getting common now a days where parents allow their children to get acquainted. Many things are shared and both future husband and wife starts to know each other. Both starts feeling ultimate bliss. Both thank god for giving such a wonderful wife / husband and think each other as a perfect life partners.
After marriage, issues start surfacing. Both start quarelling on issues which later on become difficult to manage and both start thinking whether this is the same person whom we met before marriage. Both start complaining the changed behaviour.
In Indian context, husband and his family notice rude behaviour of wife, talking for long over phone to her mother, parent in laws visit to husbands house, girls involvement in adultery and many other issues which we will see further. In the same way, wife and her family notice complaining behaviour of her mother in law( she is anyhow villain), treating her like a maid, using physical and verbal abuse etc. The issues are further augmented by relatives and knowns by suggesting both families as prevalent in the society. Girls family advised to bring your daughter back, file a case and put in laws behind bars. Boys family get the advised to leave your wife to her parents and don't bring her back till she along with in-laws family request you to take her back. The issues are further augmented by advocates who draft the cases in such a manner that allegations imposed are sometimes difficult to read let alone leave the other things out.
In earlier times, in villages, sarpanch(village heads) used to resolve the conflict. Nobody used to object their judgement as they were elderly and respected people in the village. In cities, similar trend is followed where experienced people from both sides mediate to reach on a mutual agreement.
Now a days families are approaching the courts to sort out such issues. Court are full of such cases. Shortfall of judges are there so such cases keep going and both families keep visiting the courts by wasting time and money mostly. Animosity keeps growing at both ends. Both want to sort out but they do not have the way to come out and precious moments of life goes wasted.
Before marriage, both families enquire from near and dear ones along with neighbours about the integrity of each other's family. Even after enquiry, conflicts occur and then we start thinking that we did not enquire properly. We think educated people will not be facing such issues but marital issues are prevalent everywhere whether educated or uneducated, rich or poor, east or west, north or south, villages or metropolitan, India or abroad.
Let us discuss the root cause of conflicts -
1) Dr. Gary Chapman has written a book "Five love languages" Where he has mentioned that we all have different love languages. To resolve the conflict, we shall know the language your partner understands.
Chapman has mentioned 5 points
a) Words of affirmation
b) Quality time
c) Receiving gifts
d) Act of Service
e) Physical touch
It is recommended to read that book. It is available online.
2) Dr. Emerson has written a book "Love and Respect" Which is equally beneficial where he has mentioned that women desires love and men desires respect. Where gap of love and respect is there, conflict emanates. It is better to go through this book as well. It will help you a lot in your present situation.
